I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
