hotel room ftw
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
