you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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