So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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