You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
