My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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