he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
