you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
