I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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