Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize