I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize