bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
