I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
