oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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