she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
