I want to stick my p in your. b.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
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