There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
