you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
