Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
