I just cut my nipple shaving
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
