Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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