Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
