If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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