we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
