Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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