You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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