it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
