this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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