Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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