So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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