put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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