carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
