two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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