I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
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