So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize