that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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