it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
