yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
