You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
