also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
