just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
