Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
