You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
