If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
