i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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