sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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