why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize