There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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