If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
