Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
