oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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