Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
