I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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