Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
