Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize