I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
