Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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