If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I've blown a few things in my day
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
