who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
