the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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