They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
