What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
