I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
