then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
